To Annoy An Author
by My Fluffy Scarf
Summary: Eiri discovered Gravitation fanfiction, and he wants to have a chat with you all about just how much they made him want to shoot himself. Slight Shu/Yuki.


**Silvea Says:**

_Well, everyone, I have something very important to note here. Everything that Yuki lists in this story is what I think YUKI would be annoyed by. These are not things that annoy me. For your information, I love the TatsRyu pairing... though, the whole grammar thing does irk me._

Hey. My name's Uesugi Eiri. Yuki, to most people. There's a long story behind that. It's very complicated and I don't expect any of you dim-wits to understand it anyway... though, for all I know, you know _all_ about it because you're all stalkers.

That's beside my point. My point is that I was on the internet today, and I was so unbelievably bored that I began to seriously fear for my sanity (which is already in grave danger because I live with the most annoying human on this planet besides Seguchi Tohma). So, naturally, I did what lots of bored people do. I went onto a search engine website, typed my name in the box, and clicked 'search'.

The first thing, obviously, was a link to a review to one of my books. I don't remember which one, and I don't care. More importantly, the very second result was a link to a fanfiction website. Being internet-savvy, I know exactly what fanfiction is. However, I did _not_ know that people wrote fanfiction about _me._

So, after reading a few of these... works... I've compiled a list of things that made me wish a painful death to the author. Hopefully you find it useful in the art of _not_ annoying me.

1. Making Shuichi commit suicide. Not only is that brat way too hyperactive, optimistic, and chronically happy to do something idiotic such as that, but I doubt he could do it if he wanted to. No, not because he wouldn't have the guts--it's because he's insane, and I've heard insanity and invincibility go hand in hand.

2. Giving me this sudden impulse to tell Shuichi I love him. Honestly. I haven't said it by now, and I'm not _going _to say it anytime soon.

3. Killing me off.

4. Putting me together with Tohma just because you can. Ew. He's my brother-in-law. Ew.

5. I just have to be _very_ adamant about that last one. That's disgusting.

6. Putting Shuichi witih Ryuichi... Or Hiro... Or Tohma... Or the green-haired keyboardist from that retarded band of his... Or that insane American... Yes, I've seen it.

7. Actually, just putting Shuichi with anybody but me. _I_ am the _only_ one who gets to fuck him.

8. Telling me 'lol i suk summaries r&r'. You're retarded. Get over yourself.

9. Putting me with Tatsuha. Just... no. Don't do it. Enough said.

10. Making Shuichi leave me.

11. Making me an alcoholic. I'm _not _an alcoholic. I like beer, but I don't get drunk every night. Or every week for that matter. You'd drink too, if you lived with Shuichi.

12. Killing Shuichi off. I read a fanfiction about the idiot's death, and it actually made me almost want to feel some kind of emotion. Then I realized it was just gas. Either way, it makes for crappy fanfiction.

13. Convincing the world that I have begun writing stories about gay men named Shuichi and Yuki.

14. Giving me a sudden epiphany realizing "just how lucky I am to have Shuichi in my life" and "If I don't treat him right I'm going to lose him" and all that other bullshit.

15. Bringing Ryuichi over to our my apartment and then making him, Shuichi, and me have a threesome. That's disgusting. It's even worse when you include the rabbit and call it 'kinky'. 'Creepy' is a more appropriate word.

16. Putting me together with Shuichi's idiot best friend.

17. Putting _me_ with anyone but _Shuichi._

18. Putting the English language to shame (yes, I do speak English; I find it a very intriguing language) by spelling the simplest of words wrong. How stupid can you be?

19. Inventing sob stories about how my mother died. She didn't jump in front of a car to save me, for your information. She had a heart attack. Jesus.

20. Tatsuha getting together with Ryuichi Sakuma. There is something _seriously_ wrong with you people if you think that's going to happen.

Ah. Shuichi's home. Now I have important business to attend to, namely getting _out_ of my spinning computer chair because last time we had sex in this chair, it almost rolled itself out the window. How that happened is beyond me, but either wa--

"YUKI!"

END.


End file.
